


dive into the deep blue ocean (filled with the unknown)

by scenarios



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, M/M, idk what exactly yet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-29 16:49:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15077492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scenarios/pseuds/scenarios
Summary: Living carefully has always been Taeyong's motto. To consider each and everything and to not make any rash decisions. He's lived perfectly with this until one day, he impulsively decides to join a rock band. He isn't sure why but it feels like this decision will change his world.





	dive into the deep blue ocean (filled with the unknown)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [johntaeten](https://archiveofourown.org/users/johntaeten/gifts).



“Congratulations you’ve passed our audition.”

  


Those are the words Taeyong stare at. Audition, he thinks back to that hot summer day in that stuffy conference room with three people observing (and taking notes of) him. To him, they didn’t look like they wanted to be there. To them, he probably didn’t look like the first choice they would pick anyway considering it was a _rock_ _band_ Taeyong decided to audition for. Honestly, it was the most impulsive and spontaneous decision he’s ever made. All his life Taeyong had always carefully considered each and every choice and considered each and every consequence that would come along with said choice he would make. Being impulsive was … different. It’s a different kind of feeling in which he didn’t calculate the outcome of such a choice. He likes the feeling of the future being somewhat unknown. A feeling gathers in the pit of his gut and it confuses him. It’s the feeling of freedom.

  


**TY** : remember that audition i did?

  


**Mark** : yeah

  


**TY** : they chose me

  


**Mark** : adslkfjl

 **Mark** : that’s great ???

 **Mark** : right ?????

  


**TY** : i don’t know

 **TY** : i should tell them it was a mistake

 **TY** : that i didn’t mean to pass their audition

 **TY** : that it’s a mistake to choose me

  


**Mark** : taeyong hyung …

 **Mark** : that’s not true

 **Mark** : they chose u because they appreciated ur voice

 **Mark** : pls don’t put urself down like this

  


**TY** : …

 **TY** : i just don’t know mark

 **TY** : what if …

  


**Mark** : i know but give them a chance

 **Mark** : and if they give u the wrong vibe then u can back out

 **Mark** : and ill treat u to ice cream

  


**TY** : mark u dont have to

 **TY** : im supposed to be the older one here but

 **TY** : sometimes i just

 **TY** : can’t

  


**Mark** : hyung it’s okay

 **Mark** : i do this volunteeringly bc i really treasure u

 **Mark** : remember what i said?

 **Mark** : ill always be here for you

  


**TY** : thank you

 **TY** : honestly

 **TY** : i dont know where i would be today without you

  


\---

  


Nerves eat at his insides. His stomach is conflicted internally. It wars between being calm and being tumultuous. The two state of beings fight and pick at each other and with each change of state, it only proves to make Taeyong sicker and more strung-up due to all the tension within his body. His sweaty hands clutch at the edges of his shirt as he waits for the band to meet him. Its their first official meeting and already he’s afraid he’s going to do something that will make them regret their decision in choosing him. He always does. He can’t help but peel and pick at the skin of his hands in anxious anticipation. A habit that’s stuck with him from when he was a child—he’s never grown out of it.

  


The sound of footsteps alert his ears. Perking up a bit, Taeyong adjusts his clothes, his hair, nervously before the door creaks open, signaling the company he’s been waiting for has finally appeared.

  


“Hello,” A mellow voice calls out to him. It’s a man, seemingly around the same age as Taeyong, just, taller. He seems nice. Taeyong relaxes a smidgen though his body is still wound up with noticeable tension. “I’m Johnny; the leader of the band and this here,” he gestures to the side of him. A shorter man with narrowed eyes. “--Is Doyoung, our main guitarist. Hopefully you haven’t waited too long?” Johnny asks with a charming smile.

  


It makes him look younger, Taeyong dully notes. Realizing they were waiting for his response, he hastily stutters out a ‘hello’ of his own and introduces himself. “Yes—I mean no! Um, yes I am—I’m Taeyong and no. No I haven’t been waiting long.” Taeyong mentally kicks himself. Way to go for a great first impression Taeyong. Really, you _nailed_ it. Whatever little tension that escaped his body earlier returned 10x worse. He does what he can to contain it so he sits on his hands to not pick even more at them.

  


From the corner of Taeyong’s eyes he can see Doyoung raise a brow at his actions. His expression stays the same, revealing nothing of what he’s thinking and that unnerves Taeyong. He’s never been the best at handling social situations and he’s even worse at directly interacting with people. Especially people whom he’s never met before. He shouldn’t have listened to Mark, Taeyong thinks. Embarrassment rolls down from the top of his head down to the bottom of his spine in waves. Nothing’s happened yet and already he wants the floor to swallow him whole so he could escape the--in his opinion—awkwardness of the room.

  


“It’s nice to meet you Taeyong,” Johnny laughs a bit. Taeyong doesn’t find anything that could remotely be funny so he sinks further down in his seat, head bowed a bit more. The awkward tension escalates.

  


“Um,” Johnny stumbles. Unsure of how to proceed due to the weird atmosphere of the room and at how Taeyong curls into himself somehow. “Right well, let’s discuss us working together.” Johnny motions for Taeyong to come closer. Belatedly he realizes Taeyong isn’t able to see his gesture so he just clears his throat in hopes Taeyong will look up from the ground and at him. Or at Doyoung. At anything that doesn’t put his head down. Even at the wall. Johnny exchanges looks with Doyoung before looking back at Taeyong who’s finally lifted his head. That’s a start, at least.

  


“Okay. So, you know that this is for the yearly summer competition local bands participate in right?” Taeyong nods his head. He did read that part on the poster so he knows what he got himself into. Kind of. “Great! You’ll be our main vocalist and we have practice four days a week. We’re just a bunch of dudes who’s doing this as a side thing so it’s okay if you miss a practice session. Just don’t flake out too much, please. We’re aiming to win this year’s battle of the bands.”

  


Taeyong nods along blankly. It’s a lot to take in. That he is actually going to go through with this and that he isn’t going to back out. This _is_ something he wants to put his whole heart into. It laughable that at his age he still gets easily scared but this is something he’s decided to do impulsively for the first time. Determination fills head as he continues to nod his head in affirmation at Johnny’s words. His embarrassment comes back in full force at the realization that he has no idea on what Johnny is saying. His words went in one ear and out the other. Oops.

  


“—and I hope we get along great. All the guys are pretty chill and laid-back so don’t hesitate to ask us anything if you have questions alright?” Johnny finishes with a smile that stretches across his face nicely. He really is handsome, Taeyong thinks once more.

  


“Okay.” Taeyong softly says. The friendly smile Johnny shoots his way encourages him to say something more. “I’m really looking forward to working with you all.” He says, a nervous smile appearing on his face. “Please take care of me.”

  


“Of course,” Johnny responds, a warm tone colors his words. “It’s been a pleasure to meet you.” At that, Doyoung nods ever the slightest in agreement but otherwise continues to stay silent.

  


Taeyong smiles once more before taking his leave. A new feeling starts to bloom in his chest. It’s warm and a sense of accomplishment sets in. Accomplishment at the fact that he managed to go through with meeting them and not backing out last second. He has to tell Mark about this--he’ll be so proud of him! Maybe Taeyong will treat him out to some BBQ if he isn’t busy. Taeyong walks with a spring in his steps, his feeling of contentment staying surely with him.

  


\---

  


“So what did you think of him?” Johnny asks Doyoung who had quietly observed the interaction between Johnny and one Lee Taeyong. It was something, is what Doyoung thinks. Doyoung takes a moment to gather his thoughts.

  


“Nothing bad. Just worried how he’ll adapt to the rock band environment.”

  


Johnny lets out a full-bellied laugh at that. “You wonder?” He asks amusedly. Doyoung merely shrugs. He neither has a question or answer to reply with back to Johnny. Either way, Taeyong will have to adapt to how gruesome practice sessions could be so Doyoung can only hope for the best. (sets his expectations low)

  


“You’re all wild monkeys. He doesn’t look like he can take that.” Doyoung remarks. Not to be mean but just stating it like a fact.

  


“Don’t make it sound as if you yourself aren’t wild,” Johnny giggles at that thought. In his opinion Doyoung is the most wild out of all of them. Must be that resting bitch face he muses before going back to being completely serious. “But really, do you think he’ll flake last second?”

  


Doyoung hms at that. “Maybe maybe not. We’ll just have to see.”

  


Johnny rolls his eyes. This is exactly why he _didn’t_ want Doyoung to check out Taeyong with him. He gives terrible feedback. If Johnny had his way, he would rather have Sicheng. At least with Sicheng Taeyong wouldn’t had been intimidated. Once again Doyoung’s curious case of rbf had almost costed him another vocalist. Well whatever. There’s no use in crying over spilled milk, only in this case the milk hasn’t been spilled … yet. Johnny can feel it in his bones that he’ll have to be cautious with Taeyong first before anything. The poor thing looked like he would flee at the first sign of an argument.

  


Johnny leans back in his chair, already dreading the oncoming practice sessions.

  


\---

  


“ _So how was it?_ ” Mark asks over the phone. Taeyong hears the unbridled excitement that fully fills his voice.

  


“I think it went well. Kinda,” Taeyong trails off. Thinking about the meeting now, it didn’t seem like he fulfilled nor failed any preconceived expectations from them? Taeyong isn’t really sure though as he, unfortunately, stared at the floor in the beginning. And also didn’t listen to Johnny talking about the summer contest too. Thinking back on it dampens his mood just the slightest but overall his mood has been the most positive it’s been in awhile.

  


“‘ _Kinda’?_ ” Marks inquires.

  


“Yeah,” Taeyong draws out the ‘e’. “Let’s talk more about it later, over dinner. Are you busy or?”

  


“ _Okay_ ,” Mark acquiesces. He knows Taeyong is more likely to talk about it face-to-face rather than over the phone. “ _Let’s go for kbbq?_ ”

  


“Exactly what I was thinking,” Taeyong smiles.

  


“ _Yay!_ ” Mark cheers over the phone before a beeping noise appears. “ _Oh my mom’s calling. Text me the details later okay? Don’t forget! Or I’ll remind you!_ ”

  


“I won’t forget, promise. Tell your mom I said hi. Bye.”

  


“ _Bye!_ ” Mark ends the call at that.

  


Taeyong stares at his phone, lost in his thoughts. Excitement fills his body up at the prospect of ‘something new, something different!’ and it jumps from underneath his skin. It craves for freedom from being stifled for so long. So Taeyong releases it. The biggest smile graces his face and his steps are lighter than before.

  


\---

  


“Sooo, tell me how it went.” Marks pesters Taeyong just as he takes his seat. Mark and him are childhood friends and even if Taeyong is the older of the two, Mark often is braver, more courageous than Taeyong. And, as outrageous as it sounds, Taeyong really admires Mark for being so strong. In Taeyong’s eyes, Mark’s presence is a familiar comfort he relishes in.

  


“It went okay, I think,” Taeyong shrugs his shoulders. “I met the leader and the guitarist; Johnny and Doyoung. They seemed nice.”

  


“Yeah? Tell me more.”

  


“Like, what?” Taeyong cocks his head to the left, confusion clouding his face.

  


Mark lets out a big sigh. “You know like, your first impression of them and stuff.”

  


“But I did.”

  


“That’s just you being nice. Tell me honestly; it’s just us two Taeyong hyung.” Mark persuades.

  


“Well,” Taeyong halts, thinking back upon the meeting. There really wasn’t much to tell Mark about, in Taeyong’s opinion. The meeting was simply an introduction and the exchange of contact details for easy communication. Nothing more, nothing less. “The leader, Johnny, is a tall man and though he looks serious he has a very laid-back attitude—kinda cute but that’s besides the point. The guitarist, Doyoung, he didn’t speak at all… He seems really scary.” Dejection rings loud and clear in his voice and across his face. Taeyong really _really_ hopes and wishes they all get along. It isn’t often Taeyong stays in contact with those he doesn’t yet feel comfortable with.

  


Looking around the restaurant, Taeyong widens his eyes in shock before raising the menu to cover his face sans his eyes. He ducks his head down, curious eyes still staring at the objects of his sudden wariness. “Don’t look now but the people I met are here.” Taeyong mumbles, hardly audible due to the loudness of the restaurant, to Mark.

  


“What?” Mark says, half-hearing half-not, turning his whole body around [despite Taeyong’s wishes] anyways—So sue him, he’s just a _little_ curious—and wow. Definitely not what he was expecting. (He wasn’t expecting much anyways but still you know?) “First impression? They’re tall.” Mark quickly turns back to Taeyong.

  


“You haven’t even had a conversation.”

  


Mark shrugs his shoulders. He doesn’t really care—first impressions based on physical appearances are more common than you think Taeyong hyung. “You want me to say they look nice?” A little laugh passes his lips, ending in a placating smile. “I mean I guess.”

  


“You—” Taeyong immediately stops, a figure casting a shadow over the table they sat at.

  


“Hey.” It’s Johnny. Johnny as in the leader of the rock group Taeyong met with the other day. Johnny as in actually-in-the-flesh and not just a figment of Taeyong’s imagination Johnny. It’s funny but in Taeyong’s mind, he never actually thought he could run into him or any of the other members in his daily life or anything.

  


“H-hello,” Taeyong stutters, feeling faint. He is _not_ ready for this confrontation here, at the restaurant, with Mark and—oh. Oh no. He’s with _Mark_.

  


“Right. Hi. Who are you.” Mark questions—except it’s more leaning towards the interrogative side--A smile on his face but it’s one of those closed-mouth tight-lipped smiles that indicates nothing but being on guard. Mark (is pretty sure)has an inkling he’s Taeyong’s rock group leader thingy person Johnny. But you can never be too sure in this day and age. You can’t blame him for being a bit hostile. He’s pretty protective over Taeyong and he acknowledges it 100%.

  


“Oh, um,” Johnny fumbles around, juggling all the items he held into one hand and outstretches his, now, free hand to Mark. “I’m Johnny.” Simple; kind of cute, a little dorky, not reliable. Mark concludes. A little harsh but well, Mark never claimed (otherwise)to be a friendly guy. Still Mark shakes his hand. He’s not rude, just unfriendly.

  


“Mark.” The silence that follows afterwards is uncomfortable. Taeyong continues to stare at Johnny, wide-eyed, mouth shut tight—he manages to form a small stiff smile but nothing more.

  


Johnny continues on, oblivious to the current atmosphere, or he didn’t care. “Yeah I saw you from when I entered and I just thought to say ‘hi’. Looking forward to practice Taeyong!” He nods at Mark, cheery mood completely recovered from earlier. “It’s nice meeting you Mark.” Johnny waves and leaves, returning to his own table where Doyoung and another man Taeyong doesn’t recognize, resides at.

  


“He’s friendly,” Mark says.

  


Taeyong nods in agreement. He doesn’t want to talk about this anymore. Yes he’s out getting dinner with Mark to talk about it but he doesn’t want this one topic to dominate the majority of the conversation for tonight. He’s here and ready to relax and talk (read: gossip) with Mark, even if they do often see each other.

  


“Anyways, what’s this I hear about you getting a boyfriend?” Taeyong teases, changing the topic to something more lighthearted. To something he felt he could control better and not feel as if he were grasping at the edges that eluded his touch each time.

  


“What?” Mark splutters. “N-no! It’s a misunderstanding I swear!” His face becoming increasingly red as he tries to explain the situation.

  


The rest of their dinner continued on [in a similar fashion]about more mundane things like the neighbor’s poorly hidden scandal or Mark’s friend’s dramatic love life. The topic of the rock band and Johnny not forgotten, but pushed to the back of Taeyong’s mind for now. Mark really does indulge him too much.

  


\---

  


The building practice is held in is an ordinary looking building. In Taeyong’s head, and stress dreams, the building was depicted as towering and gray and frightening. All the characteristics in which intimidate Taeyong the most because they’re relentless and confrontational. He hates it. But in reality, the building is just a building and it _isn’t_ going to devour him. Hopefully.

  


Taeyong enters the building like a duckling—hesitant and nervous about meeting everyone else. He paces back and forwards in the corridor. Faint sounds can be heard from outside the room and figures can be seen from the window Taeyong peeks through. There’s Johnny and two others he has yet to meet. They’re laughing and playing with each other and Taeyong want to go in too except his nerves get the better of him. Each time he places his hand on the door handle, he takes it off. It’s a constant pattern that occurs at least 10x every minute.

  


This time I’ll turn the handle, Taeyong determines, gripping at the handle. You just need to turn it now Taeyong. Just, turn it. But it stays still, unmoving underneath his grip. Taeyong continues to give himself talk to himself, attempting to calm his nerves. “Okay, and--”

  


“What are you doing?” A voice interrupts him.

  


Taeyong jumps at the unexpected voice. Turning quickly around he sees Doyoung standing behind him, face set in the same expression he had the day Taeyong met him. Heart beating fast, it takes a moment for him to process his question.

  


“Uh.” Taeyong blanks out. It’s a legitimate question. What _is_ he doing stalling out here like some weirdo. “I was just about to go in.” He grimaces. Sounds like an excuse if he’s ever heard one.

  


“It’s been five minutes and you still haven’t gone in.” Doyoung points out.

  


Oh. Taeyong stares at Doyoung. He stares back.

  


“Um,” Taeyong hesitates. He’s been doing that a lot hasn’t he? “I just wasn’t sure if I should go in or not…” He darts his eyes around, doing his best to avoid Doyoung’s gaze.

  


“Stop being so shy—we chose you didn’t we?” Doyoung can’t stand to see people like this. So unsure, so nervous of themselves when clearly, they held the strength within to be courageous and bold. “Go in,” He gestures in a sweeping motion. They won’t get anything done if they continued to dawdle around outside as if they have nothing better to do. “Lighten up.” Doyoung opens the door for Taeyong, cuing him to enter the room.

  


Feeling slightly scolded, Taeyong scurries into the room. He can only hope that he leaves a good impression with the rest of the band. First impressions are always the most memorable aren’t they? He’s scared but then he catches Doyoung smiling at him. Encouraged, Taeyong swallows the rest of his nerves down. What could possibly go wrong?

 

\---

 

Famous last words Taeyong. Famous last words.

 

He squats outside the building somewhere in a dark corner, drawing circles in the ground. He’s not moping but it’s something close to it. His thoughts stray to how the practice session went. It went pretty bad, in his opinion. God, just thinking back upon it makes him cringe. Regret crawls up his spine at his decision to audition for this rock band.

 

Taeyong continues to not-mope over it until he feels someone approach him. Looking up, it’s Johnny. Course it is. The last person he wants to see and of course it’s him who finds him sulking. Taeyong buries his face in his arms, resolute in not speaking. Especially not to Johnny.

 

“Hey,” He hears Johnny step closer. A moment of silence passes over them and all Taeyong can hear are the rustling of leaves and the faint rumbling of cars passing by, streets over. He slowly lifts his head out of his safety of his arms and sees Johnny squat besides him and staring out into nothing. Taeyong keep quiet. The silence between them should feel awkward. It doesn’t. Instead it feels more amicable than anything.

 

“You did good.”

 

Taeyong whips his head to stare at Johnny only to find him already staring at him.

 

“… You think so?” Taeyong tries to say nonchalantly. His wide-eyes and trembling voice give him away.

 

“Yeah, I do.” Johnny smiles at him—its the kind of smile that lights up your whole face.

 

To that, Taeyong starts sniffle, teardrops slowly tracking their way down his face. Johnny flails. Alarmed and completely out of his depth, he’s never had to deal with a crying person before. “Don’t—Don’t cry please. Was it something I said?” He panics and if Doyoung were here, he’d laugh and call him stupid and would take care of Taeyong in a snap. That’s the kind of person he is, no matter how tough he looks.

 

“It’s not that it’s just,” Taeyong wipes his cheeks and takes a deep breath, doing his best to calm down. “That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

 

Johnny doesn’t know what to say.

 

“You’re really,” Taeyong pauses in his sentence, hesitating on his next choice of words. “Genuine.”

 

Taken aback, Johnny tries to find his words. On one hand, he’s flattered and on the other, still shook over the tears.

 

“Thanks,” He says, ducking his head to hide his growing blush.

 

Taeyong left with a better sense of belonging.


End file.
